ONE THORSDAY AFTERNOON
by ghostinpajamas
Summary: The Avengers are bored. And what happens when the Avengers are bored? Many terrible, terrible things. Written for my charming and manly friend whoisThor.


You know that trope where stories start with it being a perfectly normal day, with birds singing and the sun shining and then BAM, something exciting happens? Yeah. This is one of those.

"So here we are at the Avengers' mansion," Tony Stark said, continuing what promised to be yet another terrible, drunken story, "With the mansion just sitting here with all its light fixtures and Avengers and alcohol inside getting extremely bored.:

"I really don't think it's the liquor that's getting bored here, Stark." Natasha interrupted.

"Rude." Said Tony.

"I WAS ENJOYING YOUR STORY, MAN OF IRON! IT HAD A STRONG BEGINNING. AND IF I WAS IN IT, IT HAD EXCELLENT CHARACTERS."

"About as strong as the Jack and Coke Steven's got in his hand there." Clint confirmed.

"There's not really much Jack in it…" Steven said.

"Exactly."

"Are you calling my story weak?" Tony asked, squinting drunkenly into the distance rather than at Clint.

There was a consensual "yes", except from Thor. But thor is a simple god, and he does not ask for much from a slightly drunk man's story. Unlike Natasha, who is neither simple nor a god, but rather simply a bitch.

"I'm gonna go put some music on, or anything that might drown out the sound of Stark." Natasha said, before standing up and hightailing it out of the room. Everyone murmured and started filing after her.

"Alright." Tony glared. "Fine. But I'm bringing the booze."

Maybe a couple hours later, everyone was drunk. Or maybe drunker. Even Thor. No seriously.

Natasha had, for some strange reason, decided that Adele was a good soundtrack for the rest of the afternoon/evening, and the CD seemed to be on a never-ending loop. Not that anyone noticed, since everyone was drunk. You know how these things go.

So, Natasha and Clint were now drunkenly making out. As were Captain Virginity and no one, ever. That left Tony and Thor, as everyone else was conveniently elsewhere. Although it could have potentially been fun to try and get Director Fury drunk. At any rate, Tony was on his umpteenth fucking ridiculous mixing bowl – er, glass of some strange concoction from some strange wannabe bartender recipe book. And Thor… well. Thor was really drunk. Which was rare, but it was happening.

Somehow, Thor was even drunk enough that he was singing. Singing along, very off key, to Adele. More specifically to Rolling in the Deep. He was also dressed in the plastic sofa covers Pepper had found the need to install on most of the furnishings in the mansion, wearing a glass candy bowl on his head, and carrying both his hammer and a cheap gas station lighter, which was most likely a dangerous combination. However, it was only once it started pouring and the burly Thunder God went out to try and set fire to the rain that any action was taken to halt this silly shit.

After the incident in which Natasha's leather pants, not indeed the rain, were almost set on fire by Thor's likely ill-begotten lighter, the illustrious and continually bitchy Black Widow decided things ought to be toned down. And so a very guilty-puppy looking Thor was dragged back inside for movie time.

Of course, Captain Spangles decided all the movies presently in the Avengers' collection were quite too racy for His Majestical FussyTightPants of America, and it was requested that another movie was found on the internet. Probably the reason FussyTightPants did not object to the illegal downloading of a Pixar instant classic was that he didn't actually know it was illegal. So anyways, the movie was FINALLY downloaded around nine o'clock, and because he was either continually drunk or just lazy, Tony took a good hour to hook the computer up to the television. Thus the watching of Brave began.

"You could have picked something more patriotic." Captain Virginity informed Tony as the Big Ol' Villain Fight played out on the screen.

"Except that nobody cares." Clint said. Thor, who was very intent on the Pixar delight in front of him, shushed everyone with an Angry Thunder God face. Thunder gods should not be trifled with when watching family adventures.

"Natasha, you should get hair like hers." Tony said, pointing as Merida darted around the fairy ring that nobody should really have been in actually.

"Shut up." Natasha said. "Thor's watching."

"YES. I AM WATCHING. SO SHUT UP." Thor confirmed.

And he was.

So about five to ten minutes later, Thor started sobbing. He really, really didn't approve of Merida's mother not turning back despite the lengths gone to by the charming redheaded heroine. Then again he didn't approve of any sad events in Pixar movies. And Tony may or may not have kept showing them to him just to watch his reactions.

"Thor." He said, with maybe just a tiny hint of amusement in his voice, "It's okay. You should know by now that nobody will stay a bear or anything in a Disney movie, because it wouldn't be a happy ending."

"THAT IS A LIE, MAN OF IRON. YOU ARE FORGETTING ABOUT BROTHER BEAR. THE SMALL LOVEY BOY REMAINS A BEAR IN THE END OF THAT FILM, BUT EVERYONE IS QUITE HAPPY WITH THIS. NO ONE WILL BE HAPPY IF THE QUEEN STAYS A BEAR, BECAUSE SHE WILL NO LONGER BE ANTHROPOMORPHIC AND FRIENDLY. SHE WILL WANT TO MURDER EVERYONE. AND THE CHARMING CURLY-HAIRED ONE WILL BE SAD." And then there was some more sobbing.

"Thor, it's fine. Look, the queen's gonna turn back now. See?" And yet, Thor did not stop with the manly sobbing. Despite everyone's effort. Even after the amusing bit with the little brothers and their silly nekkid antics, which would normally cheer Thor up. After the credits had rolled for a couple seconds and the video ended, it was simply decided that Thor needed some manly God Sleep, and thus sent to bed. Right proper. Like a big boy.

Exhausted by the events of the day, everyone else quickly followed. Only Tony remained, sitting on a plastic coverless couch and playing with his smartphone.

"Well." He said, opening the Fruit Ninja app, "Kept them all amused for another day."


End file.
